these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize