If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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