I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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