I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
