i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
