At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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