you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
