New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
