Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
