i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
