if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
