Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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