OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
