That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
