I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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