I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
