Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
cat food counts as protein by the way
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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