i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
