Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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