You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
