my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
