so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
