Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
