i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I touched a dick in church today
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