I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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