Is it normal to miss your booty call?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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