I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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