I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
