dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
