Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
