yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
