I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
