it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
tell me about the eggs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
