Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
