We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish I could teleport
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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