is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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