yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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