did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize