my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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