You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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