Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
