I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
