I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
