in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
