Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
