If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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