had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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