Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Everclear isn't food dammit
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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