i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
