she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
