I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
