she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
