wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize