i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
