batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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