I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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