no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
