i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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