I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
