All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
