dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
