Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
