I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
