I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
