I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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