what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
not ubering you a puppy
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize