I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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