i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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