He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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